Let’s talk about the alcoholic elephant in the room, or rather at the bar. No one takes Tito’s vodka seriously because Lucinda calligraphy is a ridiculously lame font. There, I said it.
I worked in graphic design for 7 years in an office and did freelance work for an addition 2 to 3 years and I can honestly say, I can’t remember a single project I worked on where Lucinda Calligraphy was ever used. Not one. No one ever asked for that font. No lawyers, doctors, plumbers, garage door installers, dentists, and on, and on ever requested it. No one ever said, “You know, I’d like my ad designed with Lucinda Calligraphy, because it’s such a cool font.”
If you are a graphic designer and you drink Tito’s vodka, you are a disgrace to your profession. I mean that with all the love, and satire, I can muster.
So how did Tito’s vodka come up with the idea to use that font to plaster it on the label of their, perceived to be premium, adult beverage product? I don’t really have a clue to the actual answer to that question, but it was either designed by some Tito’s executive’s grandchild, or it was an elementary school design project, because you know, 2nd grade kids design labels for alcohol brands all the time, right?
My theory is that some executive at Tito’s bought their grandchild their first computer in 1992, and they put together a product label in Microsoft Paint. And grandpa was so impressed with his Jr graphic designer, he brought the cheesy label into a design meeting and insisted everyone on the board approve the crummy design.
When I was in my teens, my dad owned an advertising business and used to pay me $2 a piece for sketches of logos he assured me he was showing to his clients. When I absolutely never saw one of my designs make it onto anything he sold, I finally began to realize he was just encouraging my budding art career. In reality, he probably just didn’t have the heart to tell me my designs sucked.
Part of the allure of drinking is that the bottling of the product is sophisticated and sexy. I mean, if you’re going to drink poison, it’s a little more palatable if it’s sexy. There is nothing about Tito’s bottle or label design that says sexy. Patron tequila is sexy. The design of Tito’s vodka has all the sexiness of being served in a paper bag, while you’re living in a tent, on a sidewalk. And as a bonus on their seriously lame ass font, this vodka comes in a screw top bottle. A corked bottle says sip me, while a screw top bottle says, you guessed it, chug me.
Somehow, Tito’s has become synonymous with being a premium vodka brand, but in reality, it isn’t. Go into a bar and ask for Tito’s in your martini and you will get a $2 to $3 up-charge for a “top shelf” liquor. And then go to the liquor store and see that it sells for $17 for a 750ml size and $30 for a handle. Nothing says premium liquor more than paying $30 for a bottle that has a handle, so you can carry it like a mop bucket.
I would probably drink Tito’s if they had the decency to use a premium font, while they’re pretending to be a premium vodka. I mean, it is a fairly decent, cheap vodka, even if they couldn’t afford to pay a real graphic designer.